MOMMY PLEASE.....

Well, I just might win the worst mom award tonight. I had been out to get my hair cut and went to dinner with a friend and didn't get home until about 8:45. It seems that Nathan went to bed without taking his evening medicine. You might think, well that's okay, take it in the morning. But, no, it does not work that way around here with Nathan. We never miss his meds because they are so important for the health of his transplanted liver. His most important medicine is his Rapamune (anti-rejection) which he takes in the morning. He has never missed a dose of it. Two times a day he also takes an anti-viral drug to fight this little virus (EBV) that he has. Tonight he went to sleep without the anti-viral. It probably would not be the end of the world if he didn't take it till morning, but it was only 8:45, and he had only been asleep for 30 minutes. So let's just say I was determined that he was going to take the medicine. Nathan had other plans though. He is a very heavy sleeper, and he absolutely refused to wake up. He moaned and he groaned and cried MOMMY....many, many times. Then he got really upset and just cried and cried and cried. I would stand him up, he would lay down on the floor and cry. He would get back in bed and cry some more. All the while I keep after him to just PLEASE swallow this one syringe of medicine. At this point it might have been more productive to just let him sleep. We literally fought over it for about 30 minutes. Nathan is the most strong willed person I have ever met (those of you who know him I'm sure will agree)! All the while, I don't think he was ever truly awake. Then it really hit me. I just had this wave of sadness come over me. All I could think was, how sad that he has to take medicine each day that is so important for his very survival. How sad that I can't just let him sleep when all he wants to do is sleep. Trust me, I am not feeling sorry for myself or him. Quite the contrary. I am abuntantly thankful that he has medication that he can take every day that helps his body to accept his liver and fight infections. It's just that as much as I like to think that everything is back to normal around here, it never really is. Every now and then I am reminded anew that this is a life long journey for Nathan. I sometimes just wish that he could have one day of his life without medicine. But that just is not in the plan. And that's okay. I am long past the point of questioning all of this. I feel better just getting it off my chest though. By the way, he finally took the medicine and drifted right back to sleep. I feel certain he won't even remember it in the morning. Now if I could just forget....