Welcome to Holland

A while back I came across a poem titled, Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. It seems to be floating around the internet quite frequently. The poem speaks about raising a child with a disability and trying to describe it so that others might understand. Personally, I do not think of Nathan as having a disability because of his transplant. Actually, it is quite the opposite. I think that he has been given a wonderful gift and that he now has the opportunity to live a full and wonderful life. So I read the poem a little bit differently. He may not have a disability but we have been faced with a chronic medical condition that has changed our plans a bit. When first finding out about Nathan and Harrison's diagnosis of alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency part of the process of dealing with it was grieving for the loss of (what I thought) were my two perfectly healthy boys. I had so many thoughts of, "It's not fair," "Why them," "Why us,"
"How will this affect their future," "Why can't they be healthy." Fortunately, I did not stay in that frame of mind too long. But, I do think that it is normal to have those thoughts and to question the fairness of it all as long as you can eventually come to a place where you can turn to God and say, "Okay God, I don't understand it all, but I am willing to trust you and allow you to give us strength and carry us through." But, I think that you do have to acknowledge that things are different, but different is not always bad. We have learned a lot throughout the last year. We have learned how to trust more and have strengthened our faith. We have seen and felt the love of many friends and family. I could go on and on about that.... But, the point is - sure, our lives are now different than we had planned but our life is wonderful and we are blessed. You could also take this same poem and apply it to any change of plans in your own life. Whatever our circumstances, we have to take what we have been given and enjoy our trip to Holland...

Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley